Gemini wrote:And it isn't my birthday yet. With an so "Special One" I meant the girl I used to love. I told my family to go to buy my birthday present in a different store than usual to less the chance of metting her, I did that both for my own good and her, cos I don't want us to encounter as it can break us both appart, I just don't want that to happen, I'll do anything for her, thats why I stoped using FB, thats why I abandoned all my old friends...
I'm no relationship expert, and I have close to zero experience with women being a gay male and all, but I'm 28 and I have four relationships and a plethora of dating experiences to know there is a problem here.
So this girl, did she tell you to remove yourself from life, or did you do that yourself? Is she in love with you, or no? Because I see it like this.
1. This girl is playing you, forcing you to remove your social life, she's possessive and controlling
2. Unrequited love on your part. You've made advances in the past, she's turned you down and you continue to tear yourself up, make yourself miserable and change yourself to vie for her affection, when she has given none, in hopes she will give affection.
And that's totally wrong man. If she doesn't love you, she doesn't love you. You can't force someone to return your affection, you need to drop her and move on. Stop creating this facade and fantasy in hopes to win her over.
There's a dating site that I know of that is quite good, and your location is on there... would you like a link?
I don't see the whole point of this, we kind of removed each other from our lives and I did all these things by porpuse, and I'm no worried about them, I'm currently only worried about what my future will be, all the previous is forever gone, my current problem in life is my family who will doesn't let me being what I want to be. The Birthday store thing is something I did in porpuse for safety, I don't want to take risks, so thats the thing, see? I don't want to shock her ever again, I don't deserve her, I surrendered, I let her life his life. I let anyone live their lives, everyone can have any friend or relation their wants because thats their lifes, and I don't have to stick in the live of anyone, so thats why I have to be left alone...
Nobody ever gaven me affection, nobody does, nobody will ever do, neither myself. I consider everyone's life sacred, thats why, Because everyone is human, and I'm not sacred, I'm just me. When I'm with a group of persons, is no longer a group of persons, is a group of persons and me, and thats the way I think, since ever.
I don't believe in miracles, I don't believe in hope, I don't believe in that dreams and desires can came true.
I only let life to do whatever it wants with me.
EDIT:
But that can all change if I get hang of it, and that will be if I become what I want to be, which will be something related to children, because they do at least give me a signal of hope. Everytime I see a children they see me funny, they make me feel better, they make me fell human. I'll never know if I'll ever get my own children, but I can instead play with other children.
Maybe I don't believe in miracles or hopes, but I do believe in surprises. These can be good or bad, but thats the fun part. I never said I hate life, is good as it can be, but I'm not sure it could be better.
Maybe, thats what I always have in mind.
